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"Oh Carol, wait until you hear," my coworker Melanie said. "I went to the doctor yesterday and he confirmed it. I'm pregnant."
My throat tightened and I pasted a smile on my face as I choked out a response. "That's great Melanie. Congratulations."
As she went off to spread her news, I felt the walls of my cubicle close in on me. I decided to take an early lunch and escape the office. Sitting on the cool grass in the park, tears streamed down my face. Every month we hoped, and as each month passed, my disappointment grew. Scott and I longed for a child, but it just hadn't happened for us. We'd seen the doctor who concluded there was no physical reason we couldn't conceive. He advised us to go home and relax.
The laughter of the children playing on the swings magnified in my ears and deepened my pain. The ache in my heart radiated throughout my body. Why can't I get pregnant? I thought. Why Lord won't you bless us with children? We've prayed and waited for so long.
Scott and I had married five years earlier. He had a good job so we purchased a home right away, a home large enough for a family. Together we painted and decorated one of the rooms for a nursery. That was four long years ago. The hand-crafted cradle, coated with a layer of dust, remained empty like the hollow place in my heart.
The happy sounds of the children playing, and the group of mothers discussing the latest in parenting techniques, was more than I could bear. I stood and walked to the other side of the park and sat on a bench. I picked a rose bud from a bush nearby and twirled it in my hand, fingering the tightly bound petals. Gently, I began to unfurl the flower to reveal its center and deep color. As I separated the petals, they detached from the stem and the flower's beauty was ruined.
The Lord impressed on my grieving heart that just as each flower has an appointed time to blossom, He had an appointed time for Scott and me to become parents. I knew at that moment God was asking me to trust Him and wait for His timing. Knowing God heard my pain gave me the strength and courage to press on. I headed back to work with new life in my steps and a much lighter spirit.
When Scott arrived home, I shared with him what the Lord showed me in the park. We wept in each other's arms. Then we went upstairs, knelt next to the cradle in the nursery, and prayed. In that moment, we yielded our hearts, our will, and our timing to God, and God filled us with his peace.
When I returned to work the next day I was truly able to celebrate with Melanie over her good news.
The months passed as Scott and I waited with anticipation, but also a peace I know only comes from the Lord. Almost a year went by, but in the twelfth month our wait ended. I was pregnant. Scott called his parents to share our exciting news. When I made the announcement at work, everyone rejoiced.
Nine months later God blessed our family with a healthy, beautiful, precious gift. We named him Timothy, after my grandfather, and two years later he became big brother to Makaila.
I don't understand why things happen in life the way they do, but two things I know: God hears our cries, and His timing is perfect.
When Lord? is based on a true story. The names have been changed.
© 2007 Kathleen Kohler